Miles vs. Peterson: The Holy Smackdown Nobody Asked For

In a stunning turn of events that would make even the most dramatic reality TV producers blush, a game of prison pickleball at Mule Creek State Prison took an unexpected detour from friendly volleys to divine intervention. Charles Miles, a fellow inmate, unknowingly turned into the wrath of God when he mistakenly believed Scott Peterson, convicted wife-and-unborn-child murderer, was charging at him—pickleball paddle in hand. The misunderstanding quickly escalated into a spiritual beatdown, which Miles now describes as nothing short of “God’s plan.”

Miles, who is also serving time for murder, insists that he had no idea who Peterson was when he decided to introduce his fists to the convicted killer’s face. It wasn’t until a fellow inmate conveniently yelled out, “Hey, that’s the baby killer!” that Miles’ alleged divine mission became clear. Despite now facing disciplinary action, Miles remains spiritually unshaken. “It was God’s plan for sure,” he declared, presumably unaware that divine assignments typically don’t require pepper spray and a disciplinary write-up.

The incident unfolded on the very same prison track where Miles had been praying the day before, leading him to believe this was more than just an unfortunate misunderstanding—it was prophecy. Of course, skeptics might argue that mistaking a pickleball pursuit for an armed attack might have more to do with a lack of spatial awareness than divine intervention. But Miles, ever the holy warrior, is now retiring from his prison fight club, vowing to “put the gloves up” (though, notably, no actual gloves were involved in this encounter). Meanwhile, Peterson, still maintaining his innocence, will presumably be sticking to safer pastimes—like chess, or perhaps avoiding any sudden movements near convicted felons who claim to be on a mission from God.